Husbands can be real dips sometimes. My wife was reminded of this recently while dining out with me at a new downtown grill.The ambiance was very impressive, thanks to a truckload of money spent on renovations. But the speed of the wait staff's service was reminiscent of a snail with a limp. The menu looked interesting though, featuring several wood-grilled items.
"Mmmmm, mushroom dip," I gurgled like Homer Simpson while reviewing the choices on the menu.
My wife thought it was a little odd at first that I was considering mushroom dip for a meal, but she also kept in mind that this was her husband. She knew I could make a meal out of anything.About an hour later, the waitress finally brought the food out. From what I've been told, I looked a bit like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi. The food looked good, but something was wrong.
"What do you think so far?" I mumbled, obviously a bit irritated.
"Ummm, it's good I guess," my wife shrugged. "Why do you ask?"
"Why?" I replied. "Isn't it obvious? What the hell is this?"
My wife looked down at my piping hot vat of mushroom dip. Nothing appeared to be wrong or out of place.
"What is it?" she asked. "Is there a hair in it or something?"
"No," I said. "I'll tell you what's wrong: I ordered a mushroom dip."
"Yeah?" my wife asked. "And?"
"Those bastards," I said. "I thought I had ordered a sandwich."
"A sandwich?" my wife choked, starting to laugh hysterically.
"Yeah, you know, a mushroom dip," I said. "I thought it would be like a French dip."
After laughing for 20 minutes, my wife was finally able to regain her composure enough to resume the conversation.
"You thought mushroom dip was going to be a sandwich?" my wife snorted. "A bunch of mushrooms on a bun that you'd dip in au jus? C'mon! You're kidding, right? Don't tell me you think artichoke dip is a sandwich, too!"
I then explained how I'd envisioned either a regular mushroom sandwich that you'd dip in cream of mushroom soup, or a huge portobello mushroom sandwich that you'd dip in marinara. But all I got was a vat of mushroom dip and a piece of flat bread. Oh, and a side of fries that would have been much better with a sandwich.After this incident, my wife now thinks I might be high on mushrooms of a different sort.
19 comments:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!I think I still have the original publication of that story lying around somewhere.
This is one of those stories that just makes me quake with laughter every time I hear/read/think about it!
Question: So, how was it?
a friend in need is a friend in deed, but a friend with weed (or shrooms)is better...
Rocky,
The renovated restaurant is the perfect place to pull the Homer Simpson, "I'll take your finest dish stuffed with your second finest dish."
Waiter - "Very well, sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos."
I have no idea why on earth you would think that was a sandwich. You're also the only guy I've ever known to eat mushrooms. My husband says they're fungus and he wouldn't put them in his mouth if you paid him.
So, is flatbread dipped in mushroom sauce a meal? You did say you could make a meal out of anything.
Mmmmmm, mushrooms :).
I had never heard of a French dip, which is probably just as bad as you thinking the mushroom dip was a sandwich.
Apparently we share a dealer.... who's got some REALLY good shit.
Good thing they didn't have sheep dip on the menu. I hear it's just like a french dip except instead of beef they use mutton.
Now that's dippy. For a meal I guess you could have poured it on your fries. That actually sounds pretty good.
LOL - Makes sense to me!
Making a list to thank everyone who commented on my blog in 2005 - you did - thank you! List to post later today. Best wishes for 2006!
(Come by - I miss you!)
friend of mine made pizza once with "mushrooms" i was pulling them off and eating seperately(they taste great), and he said you better stop eating those. whoa nellie. first experience, and i will not comment on additional ones.
Very funny story, but since you ate it, it sounds like at least you got a good meal.
Happy New Year.
Verification - kbviyigp
JUDIBOOTIE - I'm glad I was able to make you quake again. It's the highest compliment. :-)
JOHNB - You know, it was pretty damn good stuff. I would order it again, but as an appetizer, not a meal.
CT - Very poetic. I will have to remember that one.
TJOINT - That's hilarious. I love the Simpsons, especially the Homer quotes (and whatever Ralph says).
T - I've always been a pretty adventurous dude on the food chain. I'll put any kind of food - even fungi - in my mouth as long as it's edible (I would draw the line at sucking someone's toes who has athlete's foot). And yes, I made mushroom dip a meal. The side of fries helped make it work.
SLINGER - If they offered the three cheese dip, I may have ordered that instead of the mushroom dip. Either way, I was in for a surprise.
NAIAD - That's what I was thinking the whole time! Mmmmmmmmm...
ELLA - I'm happy to hear I am not alone with the dip confusion. We DO share a dealer - very funny! Maybe we can start a 12-step program for people not familiar with this part of the menu called Dips Anonymous?
SPAMMY - The sheep dip would have been tempting for sure. I know I would have snapped out of it if it was chip dip or nacho dip. I may have been on the fence with vegetable dip - could very well be a vegie sandwich you dip in ranch dressing.
FUZZ - It is dippy. Man, we think the same a lot. I ended up doing that about half way through the meal. Those shrooms were so good I hallucinated that I was actually eating a messy sandwich.
MARTI - Thank you for the New Year's wishes. I missed you, too. I stopped by last night for a visit.
REV BB - Wow, an actual mushroom pizza! Now that's adventurous. I get high enough on just eating regular food, so I can't imagine the extra kick a special mushroom pizza or a "pot brownie" would give, etc.
BAILEY - Hey, thanks for stopping by. I did get a good meal, and in the end, that's all that counts even though I can be a dipshit at times. Happy New Year!
Good stuff Rocky. I've added a link.
JOHNB - Hey, thanks for the link. I'm adding you to my blogroll, too.
SHAKEN - It was actually really tasty, but then again, I like mushrooms.
By the way, I miss your blog!
I hope you have a fantastic New Year, Rocky!
Kisses.
NAIAD - Thank you! I wish you all the best in the coming year.
Bear hugs.
your wife must think you're a real fun-gi :-)
WATCHER - Very punny. I love it!
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