For those of you who don't know, one of the biggest traditions in my family is to get other family members to fall for bogus stories we make up. Dad and I are usually the storytellers while Mom and Bubbles are usually the gullible victims.
It's more fun than riding in a one-horse open sleigh, if you ask Dad or me.
Anyway, Bubbles' dog day afternoon started when she came back to Fargo for Christmas break in 1995. As soon as she walked in the door, Dad decided to have a little fun with her.
He told her that Mom finally broke down and let him bring home the Christmas present he always wanted: A bulldog named "Shorty."Of course, Bubbles fell in love with the bulldog she hadn't seen yet. But the story got better.
"Where is he?" Bubbles squeaked. "I wanna pet him. Ooohhhh, Shoooorrrrrrttttyyyyy!"
Then Dad got a look of deep sorrow on his face like he had just witnessed the Hindenberg disaster.
"No... he's not here anymore," Dad sniffed. "We couldn't keep him."
Bubbles' jaw dropped. "Oh, no! But why? Was he sick?"
How Dad kept a straight face for his reply I'll never know.
"Well, we had to bring him back because he was snoring and farting all the time," Dad said. "Mom just didn't want him around the house.""But you guys do that stuff around the house all the time," Bubbles giggled. "Why hasn't she gotten rid of you and Rocky, too?"
Dad chuckled a little, and even imitated how Shorty walked when he had gas. "Yeah, I know. I guess I thought Mom would kind of get used to him after a while like she did with Rocky and me. But it didn't work... we didn't have Shorty long enough..."
"Waitaminute," Bubbles snapped. "You're pulling my leg, right?"
Dad just rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in the air.
"Made it up?" Dad said. "Now who the hell would make up a story that we couldn't keep a dog because it farted too much?"
Bubbles though for a moment. "OK, I believe you," she said. "Well, what did you have to do... give him away?"
"Well, we tried..." Dad choked. "But... no one wanted a dog like that."
Bubbles really started looking concerned now. "Well, did you have to give him to the humane society, then?"
"Well... even they wouldn't take a dog like that," Dad said. "We had no choice but to put him to sleep."
"WHAT??!!!" Bubbles yelled. "You put Shorty to sleep just because he farted and snored?!!!!""No! Gotcha!" Dad laughed. "And Merry Christmas!"
21 comments:
LMFAO... that was great...
"Oh, the humanity!"
LOL! Great story!
Always a pleasure to read your thoughts.
Trying to make it to everyone on my blogroll this week to wish them a Wonderful Happy Merry Joyous Christmachanukwanzaa! LOL!
Peace and joy to you!
I used to get my brother like that growing up-like telling him to shut off the car A/C since the "steam" coming out was most probably carbon monoxide!
Keep cranking out those stories!
wait, who is Bubbles?
Don't feel bad for Bubbles. I believe, at last check, Osama bin Ladin was hiding in her car.
If Angry Joyce goes to kickin' out critters for fartin' and snorin', I am in deep shit!
My kids got a book from the library called Walter the Farting Dog and it was that exact same story. They got the dog from the pound but they wanted to return it because it was farting all the time. In the end the dog saves the day by ripping a good one when some burglars broke in and he scared them off. So, there's some more farting dog ideas if they decide to use that story on someone else.
You have inspired me to write an entry of my own about a father's love for his children in winter, a mother who loves to bark orders from the safety of a warm pickup truck, and a frozen solid, dead cat.
Come visit...
Why stop at torturing gullible family memebers once a year? you can have year round fun with drunks at bars w/ things in a similar ridiculous vein....some of my favorites include....
"I'm the heiress to the plastic tip on shoelaces fortune....."
"There's this plant in the Amazon that can slowly lift roots and move closer to a water source..."
"See this scar? Came from a freak faucet accident......"
That's awesome. I hope you have a good joke for her this Christmas.
Hello everyone! Thanks for the great comments on my bulldog story. I've neglected my responses, but will catch up quickly today! I was out of town on business and have some good tales to share there - I'll post them soon!
CT - Glad you liked the story.
WATCHER - Loved the Hindenberg quote response! :-)
MARTI - Wow, you are a very festive friend! Thank you for the holiday wishes - back at ya!
ORRIGHT - Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Hey, maybe George is my long lost brother?
JOHNB - Whoa! That's a priceless tall tale! The AC/carbon monoxide horror story is perfect torture verbage for siblings.
DEAR JANE - Bubbles is my sister. I call her Bubbles for 2 reasons: 1. Her extremely bubbly personality. 2. She would complain when growing up that when I made her laugh when drinking her favorite beverage, that "the soda pop bubbles hurt her sinuses."
JUDIBOOTIE - That is so true. JudiBootie has known me a long time and has heard me tell tales about how messy the inside of Bubbles' car is (potential hiding spot for terrorists). I will blog about that someday soon so everyone is in the loop on Bubbles' background.
FUZZ - Loved that comment! I'm glad Angry Joyce can overlook your soundmaking abilities.
TSTOP - Walter the Farting Dog?! Wow that's awesome. I've never heard of him, but I now will be searching for that book thanks to your heads up. Obviously, I really need to branch out more at the bookstore and walk into the kiddie area now and then.
DK - Hey, thanks for stopping by! Loved your kitty ran out of gas tale. We'll have to try that one out on Bubbles. I owe you one for sure! ;-)
It reminds me of the time Dad was telling Bubbles he saw an ambulance cruise through an intersection with siren blaring and lights flashing, the back door flew open and a cooler fell out. Dad got out and grabbed the cooler, discovering a human toe inside packed in ice. But the ambulance was long gone. Bubbles asked him what he did with the cooler's strange cargo. He told her he called the "Toe Truck."
SUDIE - Always happy to inspire! I will check it out.
ELLA - Wow, if we ever got together, we'd be trouble. I do stuff like that all the time to freak people out!
I have some big scars on my neck and arm due to a motorcycle accident and have used the following to explain them: 1. I was skiing and saw a cute bear cub, but then Mama Bear came out of the woods and mauled me. 2. I was working on a shrimp boat and a shark got caught in the net, and as I was trying to get it out, it bit me. 3. I was a member of the dreaded John Deere Gang in Fargo, N.D., and the scars are from a pitchfork fight with an area Amish gang. 4. A really cute chick gave me a huge hickie (later modified to wife).
TJOINT - We always think of something to try and get Bubbles. It's really become a Rocky's Family Christmas tradition (and any other day we can get her).
LINGO - You are right, we are April Fools 24-7-365. Merry Christmas back at ya. Thanks for the warning on the virus... AHHHH!
Hey, Walter the Farting Dog is available at amazon.com. Just a heads up:)
Thanks for the tip, T. I might wait for the Scratch N' Sniff version to get the full effect of Walter's talent.
OMG that was evil and despicable.
I LOVED it!
Merry Christmas to you and yours Rocky.
I would have done it for real. Bye bye doggie time to sleep... forever MAUAHAHAHAHHAAH
Great story, keep it up.
Merry Xmas Rocky. Have a good one!
Oh goodnes....
I spit coke all over my laptop.
I'm thinking your dad and my dad may be long lost brothers as this is a story right down my dad's alley.
Thanks for sharing
Merry Christmas
WARCRY - Glad you share my love of family mischief. Hope you had happy Holidays!
CRAZY DAN - Maybe next time I'll have to "hire" you to be the vet who did the dirty work, which you can confirm via telephone. That would add a little extra drama!
ANTHONY - Thanks for taking a look at my blog and for the comment.
HADDOCK - Merry X-mas back at ya. Hope all is well in Deutschland.
ALEKX - Sorry about the Coke spit, but it's flattering to hear :-)
It sounds like my Dad may have many a long lost brother out there skilled in the teasing arts.
talk about your sick puppies!
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