Saturday, June 02, 2007

Snapshot 2 - Here's a Nu One For You

This furniture store in my historic St. Paul neighbor- hood is a real eye-catcher. It's a bummer it has been closed down since we moved nearby 5 years ago. Since "New" is only a three-letter word, I doubt the owners went with "Nu" to shorten the store's name.

It's all Greek to me. If their merchandise really lived up to the Nu name, chances are it was recycled frat house furniture. That means every item was injected to capacity with old beer farts, turning a Hide-A-Bed into a Nu Double Dutch Oven.

That also meant every piece had either been barfed on, peed on, or pooped on, not to mention all the countless drunken sexual acts, possibly including barnyard animals.

Like Nu I'm guessing was just their regular soiled goods line that came from non-Greek houses on and off campus. I don't have a clue who would want Like Nu over Nu. The stains aren't near as impressive in size, texture or lingering odor.

I assume the final nail in the business' coffin was when some fucking Nu guy had the hardly bright idea to have a zany black light sale one weekend to drum up business. But all it drummed up was a lot of previously unseen stains that would give a CSI investigator nightmares.

Now it's your turn: What special furniture might be on hand in this store? What departments might it boast? If you come up with enough ideas, maybe the owners will come out of retirement to steal them and re-open!


David Amulet said...

I would hope that they would have free snacks for their customers.

Fig Nu-tons, perhaps.

-- david

spam-o-witz said...

Could be worse. could be Like Gnu.
I hear that their biggest client is Motel 7.

:P fuzzbox said...

Perhaps, in all actuality, vandels deleted the -de from the title. The original title might have been Nude and Like Nude furniture. I can just imagine the doorknockers to the place.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps they closed down because everybody knew better than to shop there!

David Amulet said...

Could the owners have been fans of nu-metal?

-- david

The Phoenix said...

Funny since I was a member of Sigma NU fraternity in college.

I shudder to think about their like-nu mattress department.

David Amulet said...

Not to put you under the gun or anything, Rocky, but we're all eager for a nu post.

-- david

Debbie Cakes said...

If I could, I rip up this carpet and sell it as nearly nu. It's only a couple of years old yet it's been as abused as a mofo. Peed on, puked on, and pooped on. And that's just one child's contribution.

Scott said...

It could feature a medical department--"furniture" from doctors' offices. My woman (if I had one) might enjoy one of those examination tables that include leg-spread racks for gynecological
mischief--or at least I might!