"Dad, which came first - the egg or the chicken?" I'd ask.
"The rooster," Dad would chuckle.Dad's answers were brief and to the point. Sometimes his actions spoke louder than words.
Like the time he was digging a huge hole to install a swimming pool at our house in Virginia. I noticed a gigantic beetle, probably the size of a bandicoot, staggering across the cement."What kind of bug is that?" I asked, lying on my stomach, my face inches away from the mother of all insects.
Dad took a break from his digging, slung his 25-pound sledgehammer across his shoulder and looked down for a moment. He grinned, then reared back with the hammer, slamming it down on the bug.
The beetle splattered under the fury of Dad's hammer, sending a tidal wave of juicy bug inards all over my face.
"A dead one," Dad muttered before realizing he had vandalized my face with bug juice.
I let out a blood-curdling scream that was probably heard for miles and began to grope blindly at the air, my eyes covered with Beetlejuice.Dad pulled out his hankerchief and wallet simultaneously, dropping dollar bills while trying frantically to wipe all that buggy goodness off my face.
"Don't tell Mom about this. Don't tell Mom," he pleaded.
It was too late. A mother knows her child's cry and she was on the scene in seconds. Dad was busted and I was $13 richer, so in the end the traumatic incident didn't bug me.
After that, I didn't ask Dad too many questions. With him, I figured I was better off finding answers myself.
11 comments:
After hearing about that messy incident, I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear about the shenanigans that ensued when you asked him where babies come from.
-- david
Now I see where you got your twisted sens of humor...your parents sound like a real hoot!!
Gross! HAHA. Had visions of the Caveman movie with Ringo Starr when he killed that prehistoric bug on that guy's face.
oh man like when I asked my husband and dad about a humming bird. I had a humming bird that would come eat at my feeder but instead of hovering it would always perch. I asked them what kind of hummingbird that was, and they said The lazy kind!!!
Your dad had a highly logical mind.
After all, father always knows best.
Sounds like Father was a little hard on the Beaver...
And I thought I had it hard; my parents would always answer a question by telling me to look it up in the dictionary.
AMULET - I made sure he wasn't holding a sledgehammer before asking him more delicate questions.
CURARE Z - Yes, there never was and probably never will be a dull moment in the Rocky household.
WATCHER - Haha, yes! I remember that movie. It did dredge up a moment of horror then I quickly recovered and laughed at the movie.
BURF - If I had to flap my wings 10,000 times a second to get around, I'd perch whenever I had the chance too.
FUZZ - Yes, very logical. He was very visual and tried to use props when answering questions as well.
KC - Father does know best.
PHOENIX - Oh, golly gee, he kind of was. But luckily Wally and Whitey took me down to the malt shop and we blew that $13 hush money.
WARCRY - I guess if my Dad had done that I would have avoided the Beetlejuice. But then again what's life without a little goofy childhood trauma. :-)
I know I am slow on the uptake...but this story reminds me how my sister freaked out at a palm meadow bug (a giant cockroach bug in Florida) and pointed at it where it was on a table. I was laughing at her reaction, when my brother walked into the room he nonchalantly glanced down at the table where he saw the giant pest. Without thinking, he backhanded a swipe and swept it off where it had inadvertantly flew directly into the armpit of my sister's outstretched arm. What followed was her intense screeching while she slammed down her arm thus trapping the poor bug to squirm in place...my laughing hurt so bad.
Yes bad girl, I forgot about the proper spelling...it's been so long since I lived down there...but I am glad you liked the little snippet.
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